Letter from A Bulldog: The Fudge Files, # 1



I rethently discovered that the human – The One Who Feedthss – has vacated the premisess tempthorarily and left her Shiny Thing with The Halfth Eaten Fruit picture on itth behind.

Thissss is not hardddth to use as I jussst speakth to the person insiddeth the Siny Thing and it putss out the words. I’m not sure why The One Who Feedthsss moans about it beingth hard, honesttlyths.

Excuse my lissssp, but I have a well defined bulldogths jaw, which makes speakingth diffiscult. This I assures you is common in dogsss of my kind. The One Who Feeds says that the smell ith too, but reallyss she has all the sophisthitcassion of a turnip, sometimesss.

The humans, The One Who Clears Away My Poo For No Good Reason, and The One Who Feedthss, have been having a hard time finding a plaacethhh to stay because other humans are not always happy with dogssss. We hadthhh a nice place to stay when we lived in The Hot Place though that was too hot, I was havingth to swim all the time and I don’t like to swim. I misssth the pigeons though. They werez tasty.

Anywayths, now we lives in The Wet Place, which is mucchh better for me, and I heardth them sayingth that they were sad about the humans not taking dogssss, they said this while they were standing next to The Foodsth Portal, the one with the holy light that opens to reveal such mithraculous foodsth things… I liveth to stands there, sometimessss The One Who Feeds gives me things from there that she tellsth me not to tell The One Who Clears Away My Poo For No Good Reason about …. but anywayth, thats what they were sayingth when I lookedth up from the sausage that the One Who Feedthss fed me in secretssss. This makesss them sad. Not the sausages. But that the other humans are stupidthhhh  about dogthsss. Then … oh then….. then they saidth something very excitingth. They said that I’m not really a dog anywaysss. They said somethingth about sleepingth for eighhtheeen hours a day… but I suspectth that really what they meant was that I’m actually a human myself!!!!!!

This makesth a lot of sensthes.

Reallyss. It does. I thinks this means that my foodths will change, and be on a shiny thing too like theirsssss! Oh the joy! Also then I can have the things that come in the crinkly thing that smellsssth like heavens…. chocolate! They alwayssss telling me its bad for dogggssssss. But now!?! Now I am human!

But they are slow to act on my human statussth. They are humanssth after all, not quick like dogsthhh, I can saythsss this honestly as up until recently I was a doggsss myself, so I am an authority on the subject. Which means that I will have to show them how very human I am.

It’sth why I’ve decidedddd that I will now launchethh my plansss to take over the couch, and share my newsthhh in training the humans with you.

This is couch.


It’s not The One Who Feedthsss or The One Who Clears Away my Poo’s couch, it belongth to the parents of The One Who Makes Me Run. I likethh her. She dropths food on the floor all the timeths right where I am standing. Or she puts foodths in her pawssss just so that I can get to it very fast as she is not much bigger than me. I knows she likes this game as she laughs whenever I take the foodth. I like this game too as I always gets the foodths. Such fun we have! Though sometimessss when I am tiredddth, I hides away when she gets homes from being away, so that I can sleep some more and stay close to couch and plan taking it over. First I needsth a ladder though.

I will lets you know know howsth it go. Also if any other silly humans will says yesss to doggsss, even though I am not a dogssss, as you know.


P.Ssssssssth now that I am a human, I would also like my own housethhh. What do you thinks of this one? I like it except that it needs couch. Then it is perfect.






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